ROAD TO WORDS AND MOMENTS BY AMMARAH ARIF

I don't deem like a typical human being. I don't like making friends.

 Usually, people think about how do I live without friends. Somewhere people think that they can share their life encounters with their friends and, they can lighten their hearts. 

But no from my side!

I can't believe in someone and can't share my life with anyone. I don't like people interfering in my life. 

YES! 'If anyone needs me, I help them, but I do not allow them to despise themselves. 

"There is such an intense kinship between me and my ALLAH that He knows the secret of every word of my heart."

I issued a book from the library and came out on the ground. The weather was dusty today, so It didn't feel right to sit under a tree. I looked around. Boys and girls were wandering around holding each other's hands. 

Some students were sitting in the cafeteria. 

My eyes wandered towards the corridor. Someone's feet were hanging from the bench. I went closer and saw a girl sitting on a bench under a tree. 

She was sitting closer to the tree trunk with no distance between her and the tree. There was no one around her. 

----------------------------------------

'DURR-E-MIHARA!' When I have listened that someone is calling me...

I quickly closed her diary, and book, and hide them under the pillow. Suddenly the door opened. I raised my eyes and saw the against person coming into my room.

'Why do you come into your room after university? Who will do the housework?' The against person placed the kettle full of clothes in my room, JUST IN FRONT OF ME!

She was none other than my mother.

MY REAL MOTHER!

I was standing silently. My mother came nearer firmly holding my hair and pushed me to the ground. 

My head badly hit the bucket.

'Complete all the work in an hour! My mother placed her heavy foot on my hand. 

AHH! My heart was shouting. The tears came out of my eyes. 

She removed her foot and went towards the door. 

Then suddenly she turned and saw me. 

'Listen! Clean the dining and drawing-room. The guests are coming and don't forget to cook food according to the guest.' She was looking at DURR-E-MIHARA with disgusted eyes. 

'NASTY MATERIAL!' She whispered. 

'Is she really my real mother?' I asked myself.

'Can a real mother abuse her own child?' I saw towards the kettle and tried to stand up on my feet. 

'Why doesn't she have mercy on me?

(MERCY_ THIS IS NOT A HUMAN ATTRIBUTE. MERCY IS THE HELP OF ALLAH. OTHERWISE! THE HEART IS BARREN, AND INTENTIONS ARE EVIL.)

'Am I not a human?

'Do I don't have my wishes?

I was questioning myself. I know my persona doesn't matter for my relations.

'RELATIONS?' I smiled at myself.

'Unwanted child have no relations except ALLAH!' I rubbed my splits and picked up the kettle.

---------------------------------------------------

I took another stride towards the girl. 

Probably she was writing something.

I noticed that her hand went towards her eyes, and she severely dried her features. 

'PROBABLY, SHE IS CRYING.' I thought in my heart. 

I took one stride more and listened to something. 

She was tearful with discontinuity.

She raised her eyes and saw me. 

Seeing the tears in her eyes stirred my heart for the first time in the world.

I was strangely fumbling eagerness in my heart. 

---------------------------------------------

'I am an unwanted and ignored child.

After that story, everyone left me alone. 

MUM called me A NASTY MATERIAL. A DIRTY DOLL! I felt someone's shadow on my diary. I raised my discouraging eyes and saw a boy standing closer to me.

He was looking at me.

I stood up gripping my diary, and my bag and ran from there.

----------------------------------------------------

She stood up from the bench and ran from there. I could easily notice the scariness in her eyes. 

She was running when she hit someone suddenly. 

She raised her eyes and saw that boy standing in front of her.

'S...SORRY!' I heard her voice apologizing to that boy.

I was shocked to see the trembling in her voice and the dread in her eyes. 

She turned her face and saw me.

Tears were constantly streaming from her eyes.

Seeing her, my heartfelt intensely,

'How can anyone be so sensitive?' I smiled when our eyes co_incide with each other.

And now she ran from there. 

I knew my smile was irrelevant, but I could not find any secret behind this irrelevancy. 

-------------------------------------------------

When I reached home, I saw the home scattered with things everywhere.

There was no one in the house.

I directly went towards Zabbie's room, and without knocking on the door, I entered inside.

As I know, she would never leave me alone in this house.

I entered the room. I saw Zabbie smiling as she had felt my presence by my essence.

'My fragrance is attached to her soul!' Whenever she recognized my presence, I always asked the reason, and the answer I got: 'My fragrance is attached to her soul!'

I hugged Zabbie from her back.

She raised her face and kissed my head. I closed my eyes comfortably. 

'Will you eat something?' I asked her by moving my fingers on her soothing face, just like relaxing myself. 

'NO! Complete your work and have some rest!' She was the only one in this house who thinks for me. But WHY?

Zabbie was my grandmother. 

I was not alone in this world, I had my mother and my siblings. My father died after I was part of that story. This story was the way of my ruin. 

My mother and my siblings began to hate me. 

Sometimes she tried to kill me to finish this insulting box from her life.

'DEATH DIDN'T EMBRACE ME AS WELL!'

'What are you thinking?' She asked me, and I came into my world again.

'DEATH DIDN'T EMBRACE ME AS WELL!' 

I answered with no emotion in my eyes.

'ALLAH IS PLEASED WITH YOU!' Zabbie handed me another hope.

I stood up and, exit her room. 

---------------------------------------------

I kept the diary on my writing table and set my mind to write something in it.

Someone is bowing before you with sincerity_

So consider him bent, not fallen on the ground_

After writing this verse, Sleep began to overwhelm my eyes, so I closed the diary, hide it under my bed, enlightened my room, and went to bed. 

... My body had drenched in sweat...

... My soul had burnt in the fire...

... I hold my bedcover firmly from my fingers...

(... Tears were flowing from my eyes like blood ...

... blood was flowing from my body parts like water ...

... They were constantly beating me ...)

Suddenly my eyes opened, and I saw myself in the room on the bed.  

I firmly held the bedcover in my fingers and shouted. 

The door opened. My mother and my sister entered the room and disgustingly asked me:

'What happened?' I stood up, ran towards my mother, and hugged her tightly.

'Please save me... They are trying to kill me again.' I tightly held her shirt. 

For NANO MOMENTS, I felt that it is a bit of sympathy left in her heart for me, but I was wrong.

She tightly held my unfolded hair and pushed me away from herself.

'Mama...! My lips moved, but the against person possesses a stony heart. 

'Don't try to call me your mother. You are only in this house just because I don't want any of the people talking about me. You just an insulting piece in this house.' I was seeing my mother and my sister with unlocked eyes.

DON'T THEY HAVE A HEART IN THEIR CHEST?

DON'T THEY HAVE A EMOTION CALLED FEELING?

HOW CAN ONE TAKE A BREATH AFTER TRAMPLING SOMEONE'S DIGNITY UNDER THEIR FOOT. REPUTATION CAN NOT BE PLACED IN THE HANDS OF MEN OR WOMEN. EVERY HUMAN BEING'S DIGNITY IS PRICELESS. 

'Why don't they consider me a human being?'

During that incident, I had nothing left.

Why do they consider an innocent person a sinner...?

This night was very oppressive for me.

--------------------------------------------

I was going towards my class from the corridor when my footsteps suddenly stopped.

'What is this...? I am sorry MS DURR-E-MIHAARA. 

After seeing your performance, I can only say that after some months, you will be kicked out of this university.' 

I tried to see the room from the window.

A professor was standing at a one-foot distance from a girl, and the girl was sitting on the ground. The professor threw the papers on her head and went out of the classroom.

She bent down on her knees and tried picking up the papers from the ground.

Tears were flowing from her eyes.

When I clearly saw her face;

'She is the girl who was sitting under the tree and was crying.' Now I recognized her.

'UMH! So her name is DURR-E-MIHARA.'

She came out of the room and went outside without seeing me.

I followed her to the silent ways of the university.

She stopped towards the swimming pool bent down, and placed all the papers on the surface of the water.

She stood up and saw the papers floating in the water just like a ship. She smiled like a small child.

What a pleasant scene!

Droplets in her eyes...

Face soaked with witty tears...

Smile on her lips...

She was even not frightened that someone can push her into the pool.

'DURR_E_MIHARA!' For the first time, I called her name, and she looked at me with a scariness in her eyes.

She moved two steps back, and before she fell into the pool, I held her in both hands.